INCOGNITO - sorry!!!

So I haven't been on in a while. Needed to stay away from it just a little. I think I had reached a climax and dropped to the floor...lol....I got tired of seeing purple. I got tired of comments. I didn't want to look at bracelets, keychains, donation forms or any of that...I just realized that organizing this event consumed my life for the past 3 months. It sounds dumb but sometimes I wonder what convinces me to do these things. Its tiresome. Stressful.

Last weekend I went to a sale with my friend Nadia. We were waiting in line. It seemed like forever because it was so hot outside. While waiting in line, Nadia was on the phone and I looked across from me...It was Jenessa...well a little girl who looked exactly like her. I mean exactly. It really freaked me out. She was playing a "patty-cake" type game with her sister, singing her little song and I couldn't help but smile. She turned around and saw me staring. She winked at me and blushed. I wanted to cry. Then all my stress, my effort, my fighting became justified by the glance of one little girl.

I am at a good place right now. My hair is growing back. I am becoming more active. I have been running around in preparations for my move to Boston, which is totally the fire in my belly nowadays. I am behind with paperwork. I don't have a VISA, I don't have an apartment, I don't have anything besides an acceptance letter, and I just realized that that is ok. The past year has taught me one thing, shit will happen whether you want it to or not, but everything will always work out for the better.

I have a great life. I have exceptionally great friends. Everyone is already reserving weekend stays, which I think is amazing and as well as a great comfort to my parents. People still don't believe me when I say I had cancer. I think sometimes I don't believe it myself. Some relatives are still in denial that the past year happened. It hit me last week,though, when my family and I were driving home from Boston. I didn't stop, not even for one minute. I completed everything I said I would. When people said stop, I said go. I am completely and utterly sick in the head. Why? If I stop that means time ran out. The clock stopped ticking.

I need to cry and it hasn't come out yet. I need everything to be peaceful for just 30 minutes. Maybe I should go get a massage. Something about a total stranger touching you with hot rocks...lol...ah wells...a massage it is!!!