R.I.P.

Radiation. 10 down, 11 to go. It's starting to act up. It's hard to eat and drink and I feel like I am sucking everything through a straw. They prescribed me a sirop which is suppose to numb the pain, but instead it numbs my mouth and tongue. I feel like i'll start drooling on myself. Life is so ironic sometimes. The radiaton therapists tell me that it is good that I am in pain because that means it's working...lol...jeeze louise...messed up logic but it makes sense right? 2 more weeks and I am done! By my 28th birthday I would have completed all my treatments and be on a successful road to remission. Please.

Tonight I went to nonna's and watched Ciao Montreal with her because my interview was being shown. She cried when she heard my name on television but got upset because I hadn't spoken in Italian. lol...I have come to the realization that I will never make anyone happy...lol...jeeze louise NONNA!! You saw it in my grandparents eyes that they were proud even though they didn't understand a word I was saying. My grandmother looked up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest and thanked God for me. She finds strength in her beliefs. I find strength in mine.

I find a lot of people find it necessary to dictate to me how I should do things or how I should live my life. I have lived mine the only way I know how. I know why it is I do the things I do. I know why I push myself so hard. I don't feel the need to justify to people, especially when they look at me with such confusion. All I know is that coming out of this ordeal and being able to tell a story should be enough of an initiative to want to do something. Organizing my event has really shown me alot. The good and bad or maybe what I consider good and bad. It is sad to say but I find some people don't take my situation seriously because I am not dying. This is an unfortunate reality. We only feel for a cause when we are given statistics of body counts. That sucks arse. I am alive. My children will bury me and that is how its going to be. It is as though I need to show proof to people. Like 2ft of hair and frozen eggs at the Royal Vic aren't enough for a melancholy occassion. Continuous treatment, medication, injections and restless nights.

I don't want to complain about my situation because I was dealt a hand and I have played the game all too well. I have come out of it with amazing results. Although, I am saddened by the ignorance of many, I am blessed by the support of many more. All of you who read the words on this page, you bring a greater meaning to my life with your support and countless emails. I know that my event and all I am doing is found in the strength you give to me. NO ONE will get me down and especially not this sickness. I go to bed knowing that I am doing this for all the "Cancer Warriors", and that the R.I.P. attached to my name will be Rocking It Polito-style!

I will be 88, living off my husband's pension, with 5 children and 20 grandchildren...idealistically that is when I will go...lol...take that!!!