I am not a statistic - I am Lisa Polito!

Last night I volunteered with my friend Rosanna for a Lymphoma Conference held at the Hope & Cope Wellness Center. I was hoping to connect with other patients my age but everyone who did attend was over 40 yrs old. Its all good. I saw their faces. They looked like they needed answers. I could have told that someone close to them was affected by this cancer.

I sat in to hear what Dr. Olney had to say. His powerpoint presentation gave detailed information, slide after slide, and all I saw was the past 8 months of my life being clicked on. Lymphoma Cancer is either Non-Hodgkin's or Hodgkin's Disease. 85% of Lymphoma's are Non wheras mine, Hodgkin's, makes up 15%. The best cancer to have, is what my doctor told me when I was diagnosed. Like I was getting a great deal at the market.

Dr. Olney said,"We don't treat statistics, we treat individual patients." I remained. When people found out I was sick, they were throwing survival stats, at me, left and right. I didn't want to know about it. I personally didn't care that Koivu and Lemieux survived it. I was not ready to hear other people's stories. I wanted to live my experience within my own psychology and hope for the best. It was not comforting to me to know that someone else went through what I was about to go through. My friends didn't get it. In my head my foundation of support had to start within my own inner whatever. If I fell, the walls around me would have fallen.

After the conference I went to see Rosanna in the kitchen and I broke down. I saw my fears in the faces of the attendees. A wave of confusion. Rosanna consoled me by saying, "I hope you realize how proud you should be for your effort towards all this." I couldn't answer. I am totally not doing this for recognition. My place within society is not to become popular because of this cancer but solely to do something to give back. Yes, I have been dealt a better hand than most, but does someone have to die before realizing that it's time to do something about it.

A very sweet lady asked Rosanna if she had been a patient because her grand-daughter, 31, was just recently diagosed and was looking for someone to talk to within her own age group about dealing with this cancer. Rosanna pointed to me and told the lady that I would have been the person to talk to. I saw the lady's face and wanted to hug her. I saw her worries. I extended the offer to speak to her grand-daughter if she wanted someone to talk to. I told the lady that her grand-daughter needed to be ready to talk to someone. She asked me if I was on Facebook and I couldn't help but laugh. Too cute. I gave all my info and now I wait for her to contact me.

Am I being a hippocrite? Perhaps. We all have our different ways of coping. Some people do Yoga, some talk to others and some like me become enveloped in, "I am just not ready yet." I constantly confuse myself with my own justifications. I think this is where the gemini in me comes into play. I always said, when I was ready I would talk to someone, and only recently have I spoken to other patients around the world. I can not place enough importance on this feeling of being "ready". It might not make sense, but I feel you can only absorb information when you allow yourself to take it in. You might have so many questions but there are not enough answers.

I, as a Lymphoma patient can not provide comfort to others by saying everything will be fine. We all take our own personal problems differently. I can tell my story. Whoever is interested in reading it, or hearing it - great! I am still Lisa, though, cancer or no cancer. This is the only thing I can stress. Cancer does not justify you. It does not change who you are. That fire in your belly should be an incentive to tell it to F*%K OFF!!! I am here if you are ready.

I am ready. I am not a statistic - I am Lisa Polito! That is all that counts.