First day of Radiation - 20 more to go!

My appointment - 7:30 a.m. I was 3 minutes late. Always to be expected because I am never on time..lol. I have an I.D. card now, which is something like a speedpass. It tells them that I am there and my name shows up on a screen. Really creepy. I get changed. I wait. They call me in. They explain to me what is going to happen. I see my x-rays layed out. I see video surveillance screens because they won't be in the room when I am getting the radiation. So it's toxic for them but is suppose to help in my remission? As smart as I am..lol..I DO get confused...sometimes.

I see other patients. They are all alot older than I am. They look at my mother and I, and they assume that it is her who is about to go in. Then they see me dressed in my blue hospital gown and this veil of saddness just hits their face. I laugh because I am one of the most transparent individuals you will ever meet. My facial expressions speak alot louder than I do and I already pack a mean bark. So when I see the expressions of others I think to myself that maybe I should start censoring myself...lol..they looked so sad! It's like I wanted to go hug them and say,"No worries dude, shit happens!"

This week was not a great week. I have fever and started coughing. I think I am catching a cold. I guess this fluctuation in temperature is not helping. I woke up in sweats the other night and panicked. I thought it was coming back. I am so scared that I will relapse. Think positive? I am a realist by nature. At this point anything can happen. I am really trying hard to start new. It better be a cold...lol...or ill be friggin' pissed!!!

So here I am on this table. My head in my iron maiden mask. They continue to draw lines on me, which tickles, but at the same time I am thinking, "What I would kill to take a decent shower right now!!" You really think of the most stupid things. What is Maggie doing right now? I think I should call her. I wonder when I can start waxing my arms again because I feel like I am competing with Sasquatch. I have to take blood tests tomorrow. I need to meet with a sponsor this weekend. Should I go to the birthday party since I am not feeling so good. I am craving those Tangy Starburst candies.

Jeeze louise. You bombard yourself and become trapped in this daydream. 15 minutes and its over. Reality sets in. I remember why I am there. I surpassed my first radiation treatment. It is like going to bronzage...only I am not getting the tacky, orange tan. Just another step towards being cancer-free!