Photo albums hold pictures of moments in time. They are meant for you to remember things of the past. You have little keepsakes that remind you of smells, laughs, experiences. I have a red spoon from my first time at Dairy Queen. Rocks I stole from the faux-plant at The Madarin. Those yellow balls from the playroom at Burger King. Please note this was in my teen years!...lol
I never considered myself a popular girl. I was quiet...lol...yup! I always felt I lived in the shadows of my ever popular, beautiful friends. I was Ok with that. Then again it was how I felt at the time. I was always surrounded by good people. We were, what I thought, a power clique. Man, we were invincible. The truth is we were.
I have made friends throughout the years, lost just as many, and thats cool. Its just another lesson that life has to offer. Being sick really makes you realize the roles people play in your life. Unfortunately it is in these times you see the sincerity of some and the "Man I should really be nice to her or I am going to hell" attitude of others. TARDS, I am not stupid!!!
My friends have really come through. It means alot because I could not have done this alone. I remember the first time I broke down with friends. The back seat of a Jeep....lol...Yeah I know stuck in the backseat with 2 girls...jeeze louise...my karma! We all cried. We had a moment. I will remember that. I remember talking to some friends in my backyard. Grass was freshly cut. My goddess-like hair was blowing in the wind. Although it was wet, the smell of freshly washed hair hitting my face is something i'll miss.
My friends stepped up to the plate. They confronted their fears within my illness. They accepted my "slight defectiveness". I think they found strength in themselves. I also think it helped that I would still go out drinking with them. It brought them back to normalcy...lol..
SO here I am, in the process of organizing this event. I am very surprised by the attention it is getting. Most of the attendees are people I don't know. Friends of friends of friends of friends. The snowball gets bigger. Strength in numbers. I think it's great! At one point I thought being sick is what made me gain all this popularity. All of a sudden people felt bad. People wanted to know what was going on in my life. I sort of hated this idea. But I have come to realize (this is the chubby girl from highschool emerging from the shadows), as much as I am who I am, the acceptance of my friends, the trust and love they have within me is what makes me feel on top of the world.
I kept the hair I cut off. I took pictures of my first shave. I took a video of my last chemo treatment. These are little things that will remind me of this trying time in my life. A picture says so much but at the same time it is just a moment of life. It is not the NOW. I have many pictures with friends, but some of those friends are no longer there. I could take forever and a day if I had to spend time writing thank you's to those who have been there for me throughout this difficult time, but this is not my grad write-up. What counts is that they know that I know and it's all good.
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